Fear...

This 4 letter word used to have such a grip on me.  But now, through a series of God teaching me things in all kinds of ways, I feel like, for the most part, I have conquered it.  Almost 2 years ago, Brad and I did the Take Back Your Life Seminar.  The session on fear hit me hard.  Then, last year in Sunday School, I was part of a great group of women who shared openly with each other.  One of the books we studied was called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.  I learned so many valuable truths through this class.  Insecurity is often fear based.  Brad has helped me with so many of my fears, by praying through them with me and gently correcting me.


But then there are nights like last night.  Out of nowhere, fear comes back.  Brad and I were laying in bed just chatting when all of a sudden I started sobbing.  That familiar thing called FEAR was gripping me so hard.  All I could think about was..."What if Brad would die".  That seems to be one of my biggest fears.  I think alot of my married friends feel the same way.  I couldn't control myself and Brad just held me as I cried.  He had no idea why I was crying until I finally gathered myself and told him what was going on.  I am so so blessed with such a patient loving husband.  He left me cry for a while.  And then, we prayed together, holding onto each other as hard as we could.   He prayed for me and my fears and I prayed and gave it all over to God once again.  I could physically feel relief after I gave it all up again.  The hardest thing to pray is that "I place my husband into your hands, Lord".  Yes, I pray for his physical safety, but in the end, I need to place him once again into the hands of his maker. 


Love is such a scary thing in a way.  It makes you feel so vulnerable to love someone so much.  In the book So Long Insecurity one paragraph goes like this...

     "I have always been afraid of losing my most cherished loved one.  When giving way to particularly advanced forms of self torment, I have even pictured myself at their caskets, (morbid, I know, but don't try to tell me you haven't done it).  But I never once pictured myself several years later, back on my feet to the Glory of God, heart sore and scarred, but pouring my life into hurting people.  Helping other people get through what I've gone through is redemption to me.  It's the only way on earth to plunder the pain."


This paragraph so says it exactly.  Yup, I have done that, and did again last night.  My mind was filled with thoughts like...what would my future look like without him, there's no way I could move on, what would I do with the house.  My head was spinning with fears that are not even founded.  What a good feeling though to know that God is in control.  Imagine trying to control the world and all within it.  As much as I like to be in control of things it feels so much better to give it all over to the one who knows best.

After praying, talking through things and connecting with my husband again...that big ole fear again took a hike!  I'm learning how to work though the fears in my life but am so thankful that they don't come around as often anymore!

This morning, things looked brighter!  There was a sweet note waiting on the counter from my husband, thanking me for all that I do for him and letting me know that I will be in his thoughts all day!  I had also gone out to the kitchen after Brad was asleep last night and stuck one in his lunch box so I thought it was kinda neat that we had each written notes to the other without knowing it. 

It feels like Spring is here to stay...the windows are wide open, birds are singing and my heart is at peace...

Ohhhh Reuben

Ok so before you start assuming there's a new man by the name of Reuben in my life...think again!  The only man in my life is my hubby dear!  Well..other than my dad and brothers and..ok you get the drift. 

So the sandwich Reuben always kinda grossed me out.  Then I discovered I LOVE sauerkraut and then one day when my hubby and I were out to eat, he ordered a Reuben.  When his sandwich came I persuaded him to let me try it.  OH MY WORD.  It was SO yummy!  Now, it's one of my favorite things to eat. 

A few months ago I came across a recipe for Reuben Casserole and thought I had to try it.  It was delish.  Last week, my hubby said "Hey, sometime when you need an idea for supper, make that good Reuben Casserole again".  I LOVE when he does that.  So often I ask him what I should make and he says..."Whatever you make, is absolutely fine with me".  I love that he's not picky and eats anything I make, but sometimes it would be good to know if he's hungry for anything in particular.  Since he suggested it, it went right on my menu plan.  Ok, in reality I don't have a menu plan per say but would love to be that organized.  But I do kinda plan them in my head.

 

Here's the recipe.  Super simple and so so yummy!

Spread a 2lb bag of sauerkraut (rinsed and drained) in bottom of lightly greased 9 X 13 pan

Put a layer of corned beef on top of sauerkraut

Spread dressing on this

Layer of swiss cheese

Scatter buttered Rye bread cubes over the cheese. 

Bake at 350* for about a half hour-45 minutes

My mom has been saying that they want to come for supper one of these nights so I called her and asked if they like Reubens.  She was totally into it, so we had guests for supper tonight.

I also made 2 pies.  Lemon sponge and a chocloate chess pie.  They were both so good and I was a teeny bit proud of myself! : )

This is all that was left of the Reuben Casserole by the end of the night.  Everyone loved it! 

RECIPE:

2 lb. bag or can of sauerkraut

1lb. cooked corned beef, sliced thin

1 cup Thousand Island Dressing

1lb.  Baby Swiss Cheese (thick slices)

12 slices Rye bread, buttered and cubed.

Lightly grease a 9 x 13 pan.  Rinse and drain the sauerkraut.  Spread on bottom of pan.

Layer the corned beef evenly over kraut

Spread the dressing over the beef, top with cheese slices

Scatter the bread cubes over the cheese.  Press down in pan

Bake at 350* until heated through, about 35-50 minutes.

ENJOY!

Catching my Breath

Our lives have been so busy the past few weeks and I feel like I finally have time to stop and catch my breath!  This will be quite a long post! 

First of all, like I had mentioned in my previous post, we had 3 children living with us for a while.  They ended up living here for about a month.  Talk about changing things overnight!  It was quite an adjustment going from just Brad and I to an instant family of 5!  I know now why so many of my friends say that at the end of the day all they want to do is lay in bed and be quiet!  It took effort for me to make sure that my "quality time loving" husband, got his quality time!  We talked about it alot, and he was very understanding.  The whole experience was good prep for the foster care process that will be coming our way in the next few weeks!  Speaking of that, we have finished our training classes and this week we have our individual interviews.  Then we need to have our home approved and then we wait for a call!  I am so glad that the bulk of it is finished. 

So Rosie came home from the hospital on a Thursday and she thought maybe it would be fun for the kids to be able to spend the weekend with her.  Brad and I had the weekend to ourselves and we did nothing other than relax and sleep in!  Sunday we picked up the children and they did not want to come home with us.  I sure didn't blame them.  I felt so bad to put them through the trauma of being shuffled around again, but Rosie just wasn't ready to have them with her full time yet. 

That week was tough.  The kids were each sick at some time or another.  We had planned to move them back permanently that Thursday but decided to do it Wednesday instead.  Wednesday morning I woke up to Merle throwing up all over the bathroom.  He spent the rest of the day on the couch and didn't want to eat anything all day.  I meanwhile was busy getting all their stuff together to move.  Thankfully Haley played by herself pretty good that day.  Around 11 I got a call from Brad that went something like this..."Hey Honey, don't freak out but I am on my way to the E.R in Ephrata".  Well, I of course "freaked out".  What's a wife supposed to do after all.  My day was packed full already and now my dear husband was in the E.R.  "Aunt Becky" (Friend of Rosie and I) came to the rescue because the last thing I felt like doing was packing up the kids and taking them to the E.R. with me especially with Merle being so sick.  She came to be with the children so I could go.  Brad ended up getting 7 stitches just above his knee.  He had been running a grinder thing at work and it kicked back into his knee.  He had some pain but the main thing was that he was not allowed to bend his knee untill the stitches get removed. 

The thing that made this worse was that this happened about 2 weeks after he had shot a nail through his hand!  That also required a trip to the E.R. and time off of work.  Then, after not being able to remember the last time he was sick, he got strep throat and was off of work for almost a week.  Now this.  Somehow God always provides though...

After I got him home, we got the kids all bathed and ready to go home.  They didn't know it but Rosie had a big welcome home party planned for them!  What fun they had with all their cousins.  They were so glad to be home again.  All but Merle....he was still sick and spent most of the evening laying on his Mom's bed.  He wanted to come back home with us, but I knew he would be fine.  Rosie gave us a Wii gaming thing for taking care of her children!  We definitely weren't expecting anything.  After lots of hugs to the kids, we left the party.  Brad knew he wasn't going to be working the next day because of his injury so we ended up staying up late and playing with our new toy!

Thursday morning, I headed down to my moms.  Brad and I planned on moving in there for a week to take care of my grandmother while my parents went to Florida.  My Mom's nephew was getting married and my parents needed the break!  My grandma had fallen the Sunday before and broke her arm in 2 places.  Her health had been declining the past month or 2 but this really sent her spiraling.  When I got to Mom's at 9:45, I knew Mommie didn't look good but my parents were still planning on going to Florida.  I knew they needed to get away so I reassured Mom that we would make sure Mommie was taken care of.  Hospice nurses were coming in to help with her care. 

About 30 minutes later when I went back in to check on my grandma, I noticed a huge difference in her breathing.  I told my mom that I think she is dying.  The nurse confirmed that she is really going down hill and could possibly die that day.  What a shock!  We called my dad and my aunt.  Till all was said and done, she passed into Glory about an hour later.  I was so so glad that I could be there by her side when she died.  She breathed hard for a while, then shallow breaths, closed her eyes, took another breath or 2, and was gone.  It was so peaceful.  The rest of the day was a blur of funeral plans, notifying family, and grieving.  My grandma had lived with my parents for 6 1/2 years and I have many many special memories of her. 

Most of my moms family was in Florida for the upcoming wedding.  We decided to wait until Tuesday to have the funeral.  Many of them had planned on spending the week after the wedding in Florida on vacation.  My brother and his family were there and hadn't planned to come home until Saturday after the wedding.  My brother and 2 of my cousins ended up flying home just for the funeral and then back to Florida to their families. 

My grandma had all of her funeral plans made.  Long ago, she had made her clothing to be buried in.  She was still Old Order Amish and typically, they get buried in the clothes that they got married in.  My grandma had made all new clothes.  She had them in a box with the label "Death Clothes".

Inside the box, she had everything neatly arranged. 

There was also a baggie with a note and a hankie in it.  The note read:

"Girls, Fold this hankie in my hand like my Sister Naomi.  Yes, I put her hankie in her hand. How we cried when we visited"

My grandma's sister Naomi passed away a few years ago.  She was my grandmas closest sister.  Their husbands were the first to die in their family, so of her many sisters, they shared common struggles.  My grandma had also made many of her grandaughters hankies to use at her funeral.  I remember when she gave mine to me a few years ago.  She embroidered black around the edge of a white hankie.  I had hoped to never have to use it...

The funeral service itself was beautiful.  Yes, it was Old Order Amish, but I loved the whole cultural aspect of it.  They were so so nice to us and worked with us well in having things the way Mommie wanted it.  She had in her plans that she would like to have a certain preacher from Ohio preach at her funeral.  They arranged it and he spoke a powerful sermon.  Most of it was in Dutch but I could understand lots of it.  He spoke on the Holy Spirit and how wihtout the Holy Spirit in your life "It shofts net" (It doesn't work).  I was so surprised to hear such a sermon from an Old Order Amish preacher.

I took a few pics at the graveside.  I kept my camera in my coat pocket and snuck a few pics when no one was looking!

Her funeral was a week ago today.  I still can't believe that she's gone.  It still seems like she should be sitting on the couch at her usual spot at my parents.  Every time I would walk in the door, she would greet me with "Well hello there Miss America"!   She will be greatly missed...

This week my mom started going through some of her things.  Most of her stuff was sold at auction before she moved in with my parents.  Mom gave me this piece of furniture and told me that Mommie wanted me to have it.  I was one of her namesakes and she had things put aside for us.  I will always think of her when I see it...

Looking back over the past 2 weeks, I so see God's hand in it.  The timing of Mommie's homegoing was perfect after all. 

1.I am so thankful that we moved the children home on Wednesday because I would have had to try and do that after Mommie died. 

2.  My parents were not on the bus in the way to Florida when she died.  I can't imagine if Mommie would've died and I would've been there alone with her.

3.  Yes, it was inconvenient timing because of the wedding, and yet, that gave us time to have her body at my parents house on Sunday.  Mom had always wanted to have more of an informal viewing there. Many of our church family and friends were there on Sunday and it was alot more personal.

4.  My dad was not pressured with work.  He didn't have any work planned that week, thinking they would be in Florida!

While we will miss Mommie so much, we are so glad she's in a better place.  It is so good to see the stress lifted off of my mom.  She had alot to deal with in taking care of her mother especially in the past few months.  Wilma and I are so glad to have "our Mom" back!  It's fun to see my parents with an empty nest for the first time.  I am so thankful for the many, many memories I have of her...

Busy, busy

Life has taken quite a turn for us.  A week ago my friend Rosie was in a serious car accident.  You may remember the story I shared last summer http://enjoyingthescenery.blogspot.com/2010/07/lifes-curves.html.  Rosie's husband Genie was in a serious motorcycle acccident July 4th weekend and is still in rehab and is not walking or talking.  His brain injuries were very severe.  With Rosies accident this past weekend, it threw us all into a spin. Seriously...what is going on?  Why did this have to happen to HER of all people. 

Long story short, we are taking care of 3 of her 4 children until she is ready to have them home again.  She is currently in rehab and will be there for probably a week or 2 or 3.  Then we will see how strong she is feeling and when she will be ready to have the children living with her again.  Her injuries included a shattered hip and a fractured pelvis along with other bumps and bruises.  She is not allowed to put any weight on her left leg for 12 weeks and could possible be facing more surgeries in the future.  The 7 month old baby has a broken leg and a fractured skull but the skull is healing on it's own.  Other friends are taking care of the baby.  Hannah, the oldest was also in the accident but wasn't hurt very badly. 

Please pray for Rosie's healing and for the childrens emotional state.  They are doing very well with us, but it is tough for their little minds to wrap around.  I quit my job to care for them and see that their needs are met.  I had been planning on quitting in March sometime anyway to prepare for foster care  and plans were already in place for my replacement so it was good timing.  I do plan to keep my auction job because I love it and the income is nice. Not to mention the free and cheap things I come home with!

I write a note daily on my facebook page on life with the Leid children and sometimes specific ways to pray for them.  We do have an account set up for needs for them and Brad and some other men will be overseeing her finances until she is ready to take over again.  It's been quite an adjustment for Brad and I to have 3 children with us, but we are loving it and are just glad we can help out.  Besides...it sure is good practice for foster care although this is alot more.  Rosie is a dear friend of mine and it's hard to be here for the children and not be able to be with her all the time like I would want to be.  I have been with her 2 days last week when she started rehab.  The children were fine at a cousins house.  I do realize that taking care of her children and giving them stability in this crisis is one way I can ease her mind and "be there" for her.

Pray for us with these changes that we could minister to the needs of these precious children...

Here is a link to an article that was written in our local paper. http://articles.lancasteronline.com/local/4/351877

The Leid Children.  This was after Elliot was released from Hershey and his caregiver brought him over to be with his siblings.  They were so glad to see him again.

New Office!

So 2 years after moving into this place, we are still working on getting things done.  You see... a few things need to be in place before projects happen.  1)  Money. 2)  Time. and 3)  Feellikeitishness. (yes, that is a word! )  Little by little things are getting done around here, but then there are always new things.  I already have a list a mile long of ideas for hubby to work on this summer.    He doesn't seem to mind though cuz I'm usually right there beside him helping in whatever way I can.   It's a hobby of both of ours..tinkering around and so much fun to do it together.  Brad is so patient with me and doesn't mind showing me how to use different tools or explaining things to me. 

On our list of things to do sometime is fix up our basement.  As of now, it's all block and nothing on the ceiling etc.  The winter we got married, we managed to get our big huge TV down after taking out 7 (yes 7) steps.  We threw down some remnant carpeting and put some furniture down there and it's actually quite cozy.  But little by little we'd like to finish the ceiling, do the walls and put some flooring down.   With the thought of kiddos coming into the picture soon we decided to move our office down there to free up a bedroom upstairs.  One corner was just the perfect size.  So we saved up to get lumber and carpet but everything else was free.  It actually didn't cost us that much.  Brad's grandpa had left a BUNCH of insulation here when he moved and the paint was leftover from the rest of our house. 

The main thing/project was a built in bookshelf.  Brad did an AMAZING job.  He is such a perfectionist with this kind of thing and the end result is beautiful!

The house we live in was built by Brad's grandpa and he left us all sorts of treasures when he moved!  Among them being old circus tent poles.  Grandpa had salvaged them after a circus was going to throw them out.  We were planning to use more of them in the bookshelf but they didn't look quite right.  I ended up painting them black and we used them in the corners.  Member that list for summer I told you about?  One thing on there is build a pergalo with the rest of these poles. 

The shelves took a while to do.  Brad notched them all out so they would fit into each other.  Talk about precise work!  I chisled the middle parts out.  And never mind the headphones.  I hate loud noises so this way he could keep sawing away.  And it is kinda tough to work with your hands over your ears! ; )

Thankfully we had the whole basement to spread out the painting projects

The window was FREE from a job Brad was on.  We framed it out with barn wood!

Dad tore out a bunch of cabinets at a job and wondered if we wanted them.  We said yepper and used  one as beside the desk.  I painted it black and distressed it.  The counter top was FREE from leftover scraps at a job Brad did. Yay for FREE things and yay for leftovers!

In our office upstairs I had a closet to store all kinds of stuff in.  These wire baskets were a "No sale" at the auction so I got to take them home for FREE and thought they would be cute organizers for envelopes etc.

Love that there is also room for my sewing machine in case I get inspired to use it again.  "Mending" is about all it does right now although there are all kinds of ideas in my head!

He also made a great storage area under the stairs. 

So...here's the after.  It's a little tough to get good pics in here because the room is so small!  I don't like that the first thing you see is the gun cabinet.  Maybe painting it black would look better?

The rest of the basement will have to wait...but for now, besides the big pile of kitchen cabinets in the middle of the room, this is as good as it's gonna get for now!

New Year...New Beginnings

This post is long overdue seeing it's pert near the end of January.  I make no apologies though because you all have been warned of my procrastinating tendancies!

I love the magic of New Year's Eve.  The thing that at the stroke of midnight there is a New Year.  2011.  Can you believe it?  I distinctly remember 2000.  Y2K.  Whatever you want to call it.  Oh my word, we all thought the world was going to end.  My parents didn't stock up on food, emergency supplies etc, and I wasn't really big into computers yet.  But it was still that tiny little thought..."What is going to happen at midnight"?  But it came and went just like thousands before.  No great computer glitch, no lightning bolt, nothing.  Just a silent night broken by cheers and gunshots.  Maybe it was a little quieter than other years because everyone was on edge.  All I remember was that I was with my youth group and we were having a blast!

So fast forward 11 years.  New Years Eve.  I had to work Friday morning and then decided to work at the auction as well.  On holidays we have special antique auctions and I often don't work because they are usually on a day that I have to work at my other job.  Normally these auctions start at 8:00 a.m. and are usually over 3ish or 4.  Well, not this one.  It went till after 6.  After working all day I really didn't feel like dashing home, getting a finger food ready, getting myself ready and zipping out the door.  There were a few New Years parties we were invited to but we still hadn't really made up our mind which one we were going to go to.  So I called up my hubby and asked him if he would care if we just stayed home.  He was totally for it, and said he'll stop for Chinese and a movie.  Sounds good to me!

We feasted on Chinese and watched a movie.  Can't remember what it was though!   Around 10:00 I started to feel very, very old.  This just isn't right thought I.  No party New Years Eve?  So I came up with a plan.  My hubby went right along with it.  We got dressed in grungy, mismatched clothing and headed out.

The first house we came to was dark.  Not a party in sight.  After a call to my mom we found out the host of the party was very sick and the party was canceled.  So we headed to my sisters house.  YAY!  A party!  There were lots of my "old" friends there, although I don't think they knew what to think of us!  We stayed a little and headed on...

The next house (Brad's cousins) was full of men and children.  The ladies had excused themselves and headed out to do some mischief, but I didn't tell you that!

From there we went to Brad's aunts house.  We were hoping to be there by midnight.  Brad knew that there would be guns.  He likes guns.  Me...not so much!  We got there around 11:30, shot the New Year in and headed back home.  So that was the beginning of 2011.  We started off the New Year with funny memories and a not so old feeling!!!

  

I'm not much for New Years resolutions.  It's the kind of thing where you think of some things that would be great but after a while it wears off!  This year was no different.  Brad and I talked about the past year and what we thought would be different about the next.  2010 was rather uneventful for us.  Lots of things happened, but after the pregnancies and miscarriages in 2009, 2010 seemed uneventful.   The thought that this year, Lord willing, we will become parents (through foster care) is so SO exciting for us!  We have been praying even now about the children that God will place in our home.  Maybe they will be here for a day, week, month, year or forever but either way, we're open to whatever/whomever God sends our way.  Sure we still would love to have our own biological children someday but realize that this may be God's way of starting our family.

Another exciting thing is my health.  I debated and debated about writing about this on here but realize it's a way for me to be accountable.  For years I have been wanting to lose weight but always felt healthy so I never really stuck with anything.  This past year though, I have started to feel unhealthy.   I weigh more than I ever have.   I gained about 20-30 pounds after my 2nd miscarriage and didn't really care.   Sad, I know.  I finally sat my hubby down and got on the scale in front of him and begged for his help!  He loves me just as I am, but he also wants me to be healthy too.  He promised me that he would help me and encourage me in my journey.  After talking about stuff I decided to join a gym.  Planet Fitness was offering a great deal for January.  I thought I would probably be sick of it after a few days but it's kinda opposite for me!  It's getting addictive!  I stop on my way home from work.  Started out about 20 minutes on the elliptical and thought I was going to die!  Now I'm at 35 minutes on the treadmill.  Walking/running.  I've been going for over 2 weeks now and so far I love it.  Today I had to "force" myself to go, but after I was there and started, I kept going and going longer than I ever had.  Next week I want to push myself to 45 minutes and then an hour.  It took me a while to get over feeling self concious about sweating and puffing in a roomful of people, but Brad kept encouraging me and told me that people should be proud of me for getting moving!  Everyone's in their own little world anyway! 

The eating thing is a little bit of a challenge because I love to "snack".  But I've been getting healthy snacks.  Almonds, granola, yogurt etc.  Diets have never really worked for me because after they were over, I went right back to old habits.  This time, I want to make more of a lifestyle change.  Yes, still eat chocolate every now and then, but not like before.  If I deprive myself totally, I'll just want it more.  Wow....all of a sudden I'm starting to feel vulnerable!  Kinda laying it all out there.  One of my fears of writing about this is that the next time "you" see me,
"you" will say..."Oh my...how much did you lose" etc.....I don't want "you" to feel obligated to see changes in me.  Hopefully that will happen soon enough.  For the record, I lost 4 pounds.  YAY!  Was hoping to have lost more in 2 weeks, but I'll take it.  So the point is, "you" will not notice things change right away!  I will take any tips and pointers you may have about what has worked for you!

So here's to new beginnings and a healthier me!

New Journey

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of one day starting an orphanage.  I think there are probably lots of little girls that dream that.  When I was a little older I begged my parents to take in foster children but they didn't seem to have the same idea I had that a houseful of kids would be so much fun!!!  Looking back, they were so right.  I do remember though bringing it up a few times.  Ask my mom...it's true!  I even thought of getting into foster care before I was married, but it looked too overwhelming to do it alone. 

So fast forward quite a few years.  I met the love of my life, Brad.  We talked about it when we were dating.  The thing of foster care and adoption.  He wasn't too sure about adoption and neither was I really.  But it was something we talked about.  Then after our 2nd miscarriage in November of '09 we talked about it again.  Brad still wasn't feeling the same way I was.  I decided to pray about it and leave it in God's hands.  If this is what we were supposed to do, I prayed God would reveal that to Brad too.

A few months ago, we were watching TV and a commercial came on about foster care/adoption.  It talked about how the need is so huge and there are SO many children waiting for homes.  Brad and I looked at each other.  I remember asking him if he still feels the same way that he did a year ago.  He didn't.  He told me that he's been thinking about it lately too and feels like even if we could make a difference in one child's life, it would be worth it.  We talked some more about it off and on the next few weeks/months.  Brad's main concern is/was that I would get so attached to these kids and it would break my heart when/if they have to go back to their parents.   While I know it would be disappointing, I also know that I would move on.  After a day or 2 of crying and "letting go", I would move on. That's kinda how I deal with things. 

So we both decided to pray about it and ask around about different programs.  Meanwhile I heard a commercial on the radio about an open house that COBY's was having.  We decided we would go and at least get some information and see if this is really for us.  COBY's main office is literaly 5 minutes from our house.  On Tuesday night we went and both felt so called that this is where God wants us.  The lady in charge of the evening said that they have 3 training sessions/year.  She informed us that their winter session starts on Thursday and there's still room in the class!!  With a few minutes to talk about it we both decided to go for it.  This time of the year is definitely better for us.  We have classes every Thursday night for 9 weeks. 

Last night there was ALOT of information given and all kinds of stuff to think about.  They asked why we are there.  My answer was "Because the need is SO great and we have the room and the heart for these kids".  Basically we have no excuse.  Our arms are aching for kids to love on and help.  Sure I know we very well may get a child that is "unlovable", but I am convinced that God will give us the strength and love that we need.

Last night after we crawled into bed at 10:15 we talked about this journey we are starting.  I told my husband that I really am not sure what we are doing.  It all looked so overwhelming.  The MOUNDS of paperwork, housevisits, etc.  Is it really worth it?   Are we ready for sleepless nights, sick kids, doctor visits, parent visits, maybe school kids etc.  I was seriously feeling ready to back out of it all.  Brad told me the more we get into it and the more info we get, the more excited he gets.  That's what I needed to hear.  While I know that most of the work will fall on me, I still needed to know that he's with me.

It seems like everything is happening so fast.  We haven't really talked about it with alot of people other than some family and friends.  We know that it will be a while before we have children assigned to us so it does give us time to prepare.  Time to get outlet covers put on, guns locked up, rooms ready etc!!  There is all kinds of stuff we have to do!  We so know though that this is what we are supposed to do...walk through this open door.  If at the end of these 9 weeks, if we're not ready to take in children, we at least have our training and have that part of the process finished. 

Pray for us as we start this journey.  I know there are many of you in blogland who have done foster care/ adoption so any advice you can give us is great!!

***Brad just called me at lunch time to tell me of the plans he's making to build a great big tree house and swing set in the back yard!!  LOL  Don't know what the regulations would say about all that but it's fun to dream! : )  I love to see him so excited about this too!