It's within all of us. The desire to run when things get tough. We just want to disappear and hope life is better because we ran. But is it? Does running make things better? I'm not only talking about running physically, but running emotionally.
I don't know how you've found it, but in my experience, running never fixes anything. Maybe temporarily, and for a little bit, but not long term. There will always be something else to run from. Hard situations, difficult people, emotional devastation, empty cribs, etc. Our choosing not to deal with things, or "shoving them under the rug" IS, in a sense, running...
Yesterday the girl we had living with us ran. Ran from frustrations, from people who loved her, from herself even, but most of all from GOD. Yesterday was a very emotional day of me asking myself all kinds of "What if's". What if we had done this or that, or if other people had done this or that...But the answer was clear...She would've found SOMETHING to run from. Things got so scary to her and so she did the only thing she knew how to do...RUN.
I know the stuff going through my head yesterday was all lies that the devil was filling my head with, but it was real to me. That was one of T's frustrations...people telling her not to listen to the lies. But to her they were very real. I feel for her in a whole new way. The lies ARE real to me. Yes, I know they are lies...but that doesn't change the fact that they are in my mind. Just like we were trying to help her...I hear my words echoing back to me..."Fill the spots those lies took with truth" So that's what I'm doing...taking my own advice! : ) The truth that I did exactly what I needed to at the time, the truth that it is out of my control...only GOD can work in her life.
That doesn't make it any easier that there is an empty guest room in my house. I prayed for her as I packed her stuff into boxes. Prayed that God would meet her and show himself to her in a whole new way. We will miss her. Yes, it had it's adjustments and challenges but it was also so rewarding to walk through this journey with her and be there for the good parts. I think of all the progress she made and hope things keep replaying in her mind as she RUNS.
I think more than anything it has been such a picture of Christ's love for me and for us, his Creation. Choice is a beautiful thing and yet so so scary. It makes ME so, so sad to think of the choices she is making and to think of her running right back to the scary things she ran FROM, but how much more love her PARENTS have for her and even more so her heavenly FATHER. How his daddy heart must be breaking right now to see her turn her back on HIM once again. The beauty of choice is that HE will be waiting with his arms wide open when she gets tired of running. Just simply waiting to erase all the choices she made and give her a clean slate.
It makes me want to thank HIM all over again for HIS LOVE for ME. It also makes me so thankful to be part of HIS family. We have felt so many prayers over these past few weeks. I honestly hate to think of how different today could've been for Brad and I if people hadn't been praying for us. Today has been a much better day. Yes, still things to work on, and lies to erase, but GOD is here.